Into the rabbit hole…

Or at least, I could be. Yes kids, don’t let this happen to you. See what sleep deprivation and stretching yourself too thin can do? You get a crappy immune system that surrenders at the slightest cold virus that comes along and stressed out so much anxiety attacks come back  when you thought you’d gotten rid of them.  I’m TA-ing right now, and am quite medicated. The professor is lecturing currently so I have time to play on my laptop. It’s my second (and thankfully last) TA class of the day. I didn’t have time to have any sort of decent breakfast, not that I usually do, and I’m in class overlooking their work. I can barely walk in a straight line – anyone else would think I’m hung over or still drunk from a previous night. I can’t focus. I’m dizzy. And this professor just keeps piling on the work. I sit down for a moment to catch my bearings and he urges me on to do some useless task. He doesn’t know how to utilize me efficiently as a teaching assistant, and right now, I just don’t want to bother. I want to go home and sleep, but I can’t. After this, I have to do work for tonight’s class, then work for an assignment due tomorrow. I have 4 labs to grade over the weekend, papers to write, projects to work on, and hw to do. There isn’t enough time in the day. I need to rest up first, but I can’t afford the time it’ll take. These are the bleak and dreary parts of school… can’t wait to be done. Soon. It’s all I keep telling myself. Get through all this crap. Look for the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m just so worn out right now.

- around here anymore. Good friends aren’t around, and now perhaps we aren’t as close as we used to be. We’re all growing up.

After a chat with Lars we came to the agreement that life after undergrad kinda sucks. Many of us decide to continue onto grad school so we don’t have to grow up so fast. So we don’t lose the wildness and unpredictability of the life we had as undergraduates. This was true for him and I. What we didn’t realize is that grad school is a job in itself. We might as well have gotten real jobs, we might be enjoying ourselves more than we currently are.

I hadn’t been over to their old apartment in a while. Ginz is still around, but the apartment is drastically different now. Hanging out there is not how it was before. We used to sit, talk, have a drink, watch movies, play video games… there was always something going on. It was a lively place – even if the liveliness was brought on by argument. The other night I went over there for pretty much the first time since last year to ‘hang out’ and found myself in the middle of a couples’ game night situation. I felt extremely old… and lame.

Last night I was at Minnesota’s new place. The night began with dinner, watching tv. Lars and Babs were by to visit. There was a comfortable familiarity in the air. It was much more how things used to be, but not quite.  I really miss our old group dynamics. It was still a very subdued evening. Thank goodness for the young undergrad who breathes life into these stale situations. Caroline suggested a naked dance party. Yes, most of the boys and girls stripped down. I think I was amazed at how unbelievably not weird it was. A strange comfort only good friends can bring. My discussion with Lars later that evening concluded – “This is why everyone loves Caroline so much. She brought back the old days.”